There is something in the heart of a woman that longs to be desired. She may even, if her parents want her to dress a certain way, she may rebel against them behind their backs. The amount of media exposure, which is another whole area we deal with, is fueling and feeding this.
So, teen girls, as that starts to be awakened, those desires start to be awakened, they tap into this. As women, we go through our lives wanting to know, “Is there a man who cares? ” You can have all the girlfriends in the world, but if there’s not a man who thinks you’re special, then you feel “maybe there’s something wrong with me.” Those seeds are planted very young. It seems like they are emerging younger and younger in girls, this whole boyfriend-girlfriend thing. I know of a young woman who comes from a home that really teaches modesty and purity—beautiful, young fourteen-year-old girl—got to school and took off all the clothes Mom put on her that morning because Mom said, “No, you can’t wear that.” Well, the daughter thought, “I’ll just layer up until I get to school,and then I’ll take it all off.” So was that girl looking for anything sinful to happen? I think she was just trying to go along with the crowd,and she wants the attention of a guy. Why is it that a fourteen, fifteen-year-old girl is thinking, “If I don’t have a boyfriend, I’m not valuable”? But you know, so often Satan’s lies and his traps are him offering to us things that God would want to give us but before God’s time or apart from God’s way.
And if they don’t have a boyfriend, it says that they’re not worth much, right?
I’ve talked to a number of twenty-something women in the course of working on this book.
So it doesn’t really matter now.” Or “I don’t really think it matters if the guys I date are Christians or not.
For one thing, we’re just in high school so religion isn’t an issue now.” Those are two verbatim quotes from these—I can’t emphasize enough that these are young, really outstanding Christian girls, most of them.
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It was a joke at the time, but now that she’s of dating age, it’s uncomfortably true.
She gets a little nervous bringing new people home.
I was reading a blog online yesterday where a dad talked about his ten-year-old coming home and proudly declaring, “I kissed a boy today.” She thought it was something that she’d be esteemed for, commended for. We wanted to see if there was a difference in the lies that they’re believing. In fact, Erin Davis, the young woman that did our discussion groups for us, said, “I think I’ve been sold on home-schooling because they’re really grounded in truth.” However, in this particular area, the level of bondage to what they believe about the value that a guy can bring to their life was very much the same no matter what school type they were. So how does that start to play out in the life of a thirteen or a fourteen-year-old girl? So it’s a legitimate desire fulfilled in an illegitimate way.
It’s a part of the culture that is sending signals very early to young girls, that having a boyfriend sets you apart and makes you special. Now, you might think it’s higher or you might think it’s lower. God did create women and men to partner, to go together. He created women to be attracted to men and men to be attracted to women.