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It’s more effective when you walk away, rather than trying to send the child to a time out or his room.It’s a really clear message: I love to spend time with you, but not when you behave like this. Whether the offender is four or 14, when our kids dish out the backtalk, our temperatures rise.“It does bother me,” confesses Emma Mc Donough,* Toronto mom to eight-year-old Emily.Role-model At certain stages of their childhood, some kids will be saucy or downright rude even if we are unfailingly respectful — and that makes us feel doubly wronged. “A lot of it comes from TV.” But in the long term, our own behaviour does give our children the pattern for how we want them to end up.“Kids learn respect from parents who are respectful of others, including their children and themselves,” stresses Kammermayer. Disengage Kammermayer and Wolf agree that this is a key parental strategy.Use humour “If I can keep a sense of humour, Emily often responds,” says Mc Donough. But you could also bend low and intone, “Yes, O Mighty One, I live to serve! Followed by an invitation: “Perhaps you’d like to rephrase that request.” 8.
Have faith At times, all our hard work, modelling, limit setting and explaining truly seem to be falling on deaf ears. Or think of it this way: How much worse would it be if you didn’t do all these things? “It’s not perfect, but it does influence them.” Jen Fischer doesn’t enjoy the “scornful adults-are-idiots stuff” her son is trying on lately.After an initial protest, he reluctantly gets up to do it. ” he mutters under his breath, making sure you hear, as he stomps out.“If you take the bait and demand, ‘What did you say!? Keep your perspective “If he talks rudely to me, I figure he’ll do it with others too,” says Dee Boone-Layzell, mom to eight-year-old Travis.Kids do need to know when their behaviour is inappropriate.With a young child, she explains, you might say something like “I really don’t like to be talked to that way. When you want to talk to me nicely, you can come and join me.” “This is not a retreat,” insists Kammermayer.
So don’t use disengagement as a way to shut down legitimate discussions about limits, rules, family dynamics or feelings.